After concern over a few challenges, we finally connected with a few Mandarin speaking "friends". First, I found a post on Jian's orphanage yahoo group. A 12 year old girl from his orphanage joined her forever family in June and is doing AMAZINGLY well. She has offered translation services for parents who are having language challenges with their new children. She is fluent in both Mandarin and English and she is a total sweetheart.
-We had been working through Jian packing his bag to leave for China, yelling "no" in my face and swiping his belongings onto the floor in a heap-because he was upset over something(as if to say "there I don't care about these things and I don't want them either). I chose to let him keep his things in the heap without any emotion from me but I would not let him escape out the front door.-
Consequently, we spent over an hour on the phone with our new Mandarin speaking friend and her mother. I asked her to explain adoption to Jian as we have struggled for him to understand. He has days he is adamant that he is not "one of us". He has told me my hair color, skin color, and eye color are wrong if he is to belong here. He is adamant he is Dang JianHui. He often misses China terribly. Bedtime is hard-he just keeps saying "no go to bed-just a minute".
She was also able to tell me that Jian has a hard time hearing sometimes. It seems, in China, someone would help him with this challenge with some sort of medicine? So we will be checking with the doctor on this. Also, he feels when he plays his computer time that he is shortchanged. He says his siblings get more time. (we set a timer so each child is allowed the same amount of time). He told her he wanted a blue book bag and a red dictionary-the same one he had at school in China-of course-and the same one we tore the house apart looking for thinking it was a book from the library or one he had on his bookcase, the same one we worked for over an hour trying to translate his Chinese characters into some sort of communication amidst the mounting frustration, now I find out it was a book he had in China *sigh*-(...I am working on finding this with help from new friend *Gloria).
He does not like his English name Samuel. He wants a simple name. We tried several choices but he does not like any of them....I tried for Sam but it remains Jianhui. (Jian meaning to build, hui meaning shining or radiant) She also explained patience(waiting for your turn) and thinking of others. We are working on this as it is easy for him to dominate every minute without thinking of his four sweet siblings.
He also wants friends. He feels he won't have any because we do school at home.
We have VERY sweet bonding moments too. One night bedtime was especially hard. Jian started to cry. I wrapped him in a blanket and we rocked. I softly told him it is okay to be sad, to miss China, to want to go back, etc. We cried together. I told him everything I love about him. I told him how we chose him and how we fought for him. I am not sure how much he understood. After an hour, he crawled off my lap and said "okay go to bed now". The next morning he was especially affectionate. I daily receive many hugs, kisses, thank yous, and he tells me "good job-ah" when I repeat Chinese words correctly or make a yummy Chinese meal. He often tells me that he loves me too. WOW, HE IS A SPECIAL TREASURE!
On Sunday, we met new friend Gloria. She attends our church. She met Jian and talked to him in Mandarin. She is from Taiwan and is very interested in helping us translate for Jian in his class!! Blessings, blessings, blessings! She asked Jian why he does not want to go to bed. She then told us he has been having nightmares. I had no idea!?! Now, we have started a routine of rocking him while listening to praise music and praying specifically over his dreams before putting him in bed. I also told him to wake up mama if he is ever scared. He seems to love being rocked and it comforts him to be "mothered" as a younger child. This is great for bonding and attachment! He is such a precious little boy!
Greg also connected with a Mandarin speaking man from our church. He has a 2nd grade son named....Samuel! (Samuel does not speak Mandarin just the dad-I think).
Jianhui is doing fabulous. He is doing much better than I expected. I am in awe of the many adoptive parents who work through so much more than we have experienced because the hard days are just plain hard. For Jian, the language barrier is the most frustrating I think-it is difficult to be 8 and not know the ropes. It is challenging to grieve a BIG loss suddenly. It now appears that he knew we were coming but did not know when until the day we arrived. These kids are so resilient, so amazing and they have stolen my heart.
Hope this makes sense as I rambled on...
